Remaining positive....or attempting to

6/30/2012

33 weeks 5 days

This week has been really hard for me.  Five little angels grew their wings much too soon.  Our special friend Dawn had to say good bye to baby Zavier before she got to say hello.  While they did not get to meet on earth he will be watching over her and his two big brothers and playing with the other angels while he waits to greet them at Heaven's door.  Both our little guys were due the same week and we had big plans watch our boys hit all the milestones we were told they would never achieve.  Sometimes God has plans for us and our lives and we don't know why or fully understand at the time, but we can only hope that we learn the answer as we are forced to continue life here on earth.  I am never one to say that life is not fair, but in this situation it truly is not fair.

As much as you think you can mentally prepare for something saying you have done so is much different than actually doing so.  I knew the odds from day one, 10% survival rate and although we all hope to be one of that 10% it is just not possible.

I am desperately trying to remain positive.  24 more days to Amir's scheduled Birthday 7/24/2012.  We have been listening to Amir's heartbeat ten times a day for reassurance.

Rest in Peace baby Zavier, DaLove, Emma, Hope, Aliyah.  Please watch over your families and know that you are truly missed.

33 Weeks 2 Days

June 27, 2012

Not a whole lot has happened since I updated last.  I saw my regular OB last week and my fluid level has came down significantly.  My fluid level was at 41cm on June 6th and on June 20th it was at 33cm.  More good news my uterus measurement is still at 40cm so Amir seems to be growing into the space that was taken up by amniotic fluid previously.  I will have a growth scan on July 3rd and as long as Amir continues to grow my placenta is functioning and I will be able to continue to our planned c-section on July 24th.....that is only 27 more days away.  The closer I get the more excited and nervous I get.

Belly shot taken today.

I learned how to loom knit baby hats and have made several hats for Amir.  I also made him a fleece tie blanket.  I am not the most crafty person so it is at least something special for Amir that I made.  Adrianna picked out the fabric and yarn.

Today the hospital nurse called me to give me directions for my c-section.  I cried like a baby through the phone call.  No real reason so I blame it on pregnancy hormones. I also finally typed my birth plan and sent it to a couple Trisomy 18 moms to review and make sure that I didn't forget anything.

Next thing I need to finish is packing our hospital bags.....

31 Weeks

30 Weeks 2 days
6/6/2012
Seen my OB today.  I still have polyhydramnios and my measurement has hit 40cm. Today my c-section was scheduled for July 24th ~ 37 weeks.  I am kind of sad because I want to have Amir on August 8th.  If July 24th is better for my body and for Amir though we will do it.  I am hopeful that he drops and my measurement goes down so I can carry him a little longer.  I am still carrying quite high but doing well enough to skip an appointment next week :)  Amir is head down facing my back so we didn't get one good picture, but that's ok since I had an ultrasound Monday with the specialist and got some nice face shots. 

31 Weeks

6/15/12

Finally a week with no appointments.  Well, no appointments with my OB.  I had to find a new primary care doctor because of insurance and picked a clinic that was recommended by my sister (a nurse at the local hospital).  It just so happens that my favorite doctor from an old job is one of the doctors there.  So we caught up a little bit and I explained what we are going through right now and she actually knows a lot about Trisomy 18.  She was explaining to the resident and I that the degree of a baby being affected has to do with when the extra chromosome appeared in the creation of the zygote.  Well above my head here, but this was the first time I had actually had the how explained to me. 
HELLO heartburn.  I have not had heartburn in 2 years (since I had lap band surgery) but this week has been horrible.  I hope it means Amir will have a head full of hair like his sister did.

I found this picture frame at Burlington and had to have it.  It is so fitting for us.  I also got lucky and found some preemie pajamas that aren't yellow and some preemie onesies.  I am going to pack our hospital bag next week and put the car seat in my car.  

Back the first week I found out I was pregnant I joined an August Birth Club.  I have done pretty well with seeing everyone's purchases and ultrasound pics, but this week some have started having their baby showers and it makes me really sad.  I should be celebrating too, but it hurts too bad right now so I will save the celebration until I bring my baby home.  I took my name off the secret sister list so I won't be participating in the gift exchange.  I have hovered over the leave group 100 times or more but still remain for now as they can share some of the pregnancy moments and feelings with me.

30 weeks and counting

6/4/2012  

30 weeks 0 days

Maternal Fetal Specialist appointment went well today.  Amir is catching up in size and while measuring exactly on target with everything else his abdomen is measuring about 3 weeks behind.  This one figure being low drops estimates to the 6th percentile.  But with all the figures entered his adjusted fetal age is 29 weeks 5 days ~only 2 days behind.  Today's estimated weight 2 pounds 12 ounces.  She was still not able to identify any heart defects, so we continue to have faith that we will be one in the 10% of Trisomy 18 babies born with a normal heart <3  Amir will have an Echo at birth just to be sure on his heart. 

More good news ~ Amir had choroid plexus cysts in his brain that have completely resolved.  He has 2 functioning kidneys.  My placenta is functioning normally.  My blood pressure remains completely normal, even with all the extra amniotic fluid. 

I also learned that I am not a candidate for taking Indocin as previously thought to reduce the amniotic fluid level.  Not really because of the Trisomy 18, but because it can cause premature closure of an important cardiac artery in Amir's heart, and it is generally not indicated after 29 weeks along.  Plus we don't want to give Amir any additional hurdles to have to jump.

Really the only not so good news (can't really even consider it bad) is that she feels his forearms are missing or underdeveloped, but I know we see at least a partial forearm in the ultrasounds, so we will have to wait until birth to see what exactly what is wrong.  Plus this is not new news, as they have been telling us all along there was something wrong with his arms.  Again I would take the arm deformity before a heart defect any day. 

As of today I would like to carry him to 39 weeks, I am not sure how much longer I can work but I plan on being pregnant until August 8th as of now, which is only 5 days before my actual due date of August 13, 2012.

Thank you to everyone praying for us. 


Especially my 6 year old niece Jessica Whaley :)